Why Divorce Is So Common In Today’s Society (The Sad Truth)

There is plenty of research on the internet about why people divorce. According to an article on HuffPost, in a survey conducted by the author, “communication problems came out on top as the number one reason marriages fail.” The article further identifies other reasons why people file for divorce such as:

1. getting in for the wrong reasons
2. lack of individual identity
3. becoming lost in roles
4. not having a shared vision of success
5. the intimacy disappears
6. unmet expectations
7. finances
8. being out of touch
9. different priorities and interests
10. inability to resolve conflicts

In my practice, I have seen many people choose to divorce for the reasons identified in the article. Many people list several of the above reasons for why they divorce as where a complaint arises in one area, it often causes issues in another. In our practice, there are a couple of other reasons not identified in the article that I believe are worth mentioning.

Abuse

Perhaps the most egregious reason people divorce is one spouse is the victim of abuse in one form or another. Abuse can mean domestic violence occurred during the relationship or substance abuse. Our office represents many clients of domestic violence. Domestic violence goes beyond bruises and broken bones. Many victims of domestic violence do not experience, at least at first, physical violence from their spouse. Often, it starts with some form of control over the spouse such as financial control or control over who the spouse spends time with.

Perpetrators of domestic violence often hold the purse strings and limit the other spouse’s access to financial resources. Perpetrators of domestic violence also commonly control who the other spouse has access to or spends time with. They will limit the spouses time with their families or friends. Domestic violence, no matter the form it takes, is unacceptable and victims need a way out. Divorce provides one way out for the victim.

Although getting out of the relationship is often easier said than done. If you are the victim of domestic violence, consult with an experienced attorney that is aware of the challenges victims face when leaving the relationship. At Burggraff Tash Levy, we are experienced in representing victims of domestic violence. If you are in this situation, contact us today to schedule a consultation.

Substance abuse is another reason people seek divorce. Commonly, substance abuse is not present or known at the beginning of the relationship, but gets worse over time. A spouse who suffers from substance dependency issues can jeopardize the couple’s financial resources as well as the safety of the children.

Once the substance abuse is discovered, some people file for divorce immediately. Other people do not file for divorce right away and instead attempt to work through the problem with their spouse. Appropriate treatment is often successful, and people have no need to file for divorce. But, when treatment is unsuccessful, eventually people get tired of the emotional strain associated with having a spouse who has a dependency issue. When they reach their limit on the stress they can take, they often choose to file for divorce.

Going With the Flow

Sometimes, people find themselves married because that is what they were “supposed” to do. I see this “it was what I was supposed to do” mentality often in today’s society. You grow up, you find a significant other, you go to college, you get married. In today’s society, this is what people are expected to do as they grow up. Unfortunately, sometimes it leads to people getting into marriages without really realizing what exactly marriage entails and the challenges associated with marriage.

Impulsive Marriages

When people first start dating and falling in love, there is a state of euphoria. Sometimes people get married in this phase of their relationship before they really learn about the other person. I see this often with younger people as well as people who are on their second or third marriages. People are in love and want to solidify their relationship.

Sometimes these impulsive marriages work out and sometimes they don’t. When they do not work out, typically people learn things about their spouse that they do not like or find that their personalities do not actually work well together which is why they file for divorce. Fortunately, these marriages are usually of short duration and less complicated to dissolve as there are not usually significant debts or assets to divide. In some cases, an annulment may even be appropriate if they can meet the requirements under the law.